Rejection… it’s complicated.
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A couple of weeks ago, I opened up Substack, clicked that little + button to start a new post, typed the word “Rejection” and then stared at a blank page and the dreaded blinking cursor.
Rejection and the publishing industry: We all know it’s part of the process, that we need to have thick skin to have a chance at survival, etc. That is all true, but, depending on the day, sometimes rejection is, to quote drag queen Jinx Monsoon, “like water off a duck’s back,” and sometimes, it’s difficult to handle and I just need a good cry. And based on what I hear from friends who are on the road ahead of me, it’s a thing that never stops. People who go on to successfully sell books still get rejected on a regular basis.
This is hard. I knew it would be a long road to get a book published, but I honestly didn’t expect it to take this long. And being in this middle space is tough. I haven’t experienced that big yes yet. So the water feels a bit murky these days.
The rejections that sting the most for me are the really close calls. The personal rejections after agents and/or editors request more material. I’ve had a few of these so far, and while they’ve all felt like crushing blows at the time, I hate to admit that the more you receive, the less sting each rejection has. And, with time, I can see for myself why it wouldn’t have been a good fit in the long run.
Things that help me deal with rejection:
Sharing the letters with my critique group. For me, it helps to copy and paste the entire letter in our private group discord. I know not everyone likes to do this, but I find it cathartic and helpful. I love reading actual letters when others share them. It helps me analyze what’s a form letter and what’s a personal rejection. Many agents have multiple form letters ranging from “never contact me again” to “this particular project is not for me, but feel free to query me with something else” and sharing with trusted critique partners helps me to be more objective and kind with myself, because they’ll be objective and kind with me.
Reminding myself that I can and regularly do hard things all the time. I’ve kept my own creative small business running for almost 16 years. I can do this.
Reminding myself that I reject a lot too! I have made choices not to submit to agents or editors because I don’t think we’d be a good fit. Sometimes it feels like there’s a power dynamic not in our favor. We as authors and illustrators have power too.
Reminding myself of all of the things I have succeeded at in this industry so far, even though I haven’t had a “yes” for a book sold. Basically, make more “yes” categories. If my spreadsheet had columns for requests, contest wins, mentorships, retreats, conferences, friendships, there would be tons of yeses all over that thing.
Submit more. This is a tip that I know for a fact will help, but I’ve been reluctant to put into practice. I know receiving rejection builds up armor and increases your resistance. And while I’ve entered a couple of contests (a great way to see who does/doesn’t want your work all at once) and personally queried four agents by email, I’ve only queried six agents through query tracker. Out of ten submissions, four have requested more material and 3/4 have ultimately ended in rejection. I’m still in the process of sending additional work to one agent. Ten queries!? That’s just not enough to feel like a failure yet, so I guess I should probably keep going.
Join us today Monday, March 4, for illoguild live. We’re discussing rejection, what it means, how to handle it and how to move on. Sign up below:
And check out what the others in my critique group have to say on the topic:
